October 21, 2017
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The Art of Comforting

March 24th, 2010 by judytalks

As a survivor and a writer about grief and loss issues, I’ve heard a lot of stories from other survivors, true stories of comfort and support. It made sense to me that the stories people remembered had to do with regular contact, good listening, and non-judgmental understanding.
The trauma of loss makes you feel insecure, inefficient, and bewildered. Forgetting simple, everyday things, retelling the story of your loss over and over, and bursting into tears is common. Many people find these actions difficult to handle. We haven’t been educated in the art of real comfort, and we don’t know how to respond. The pain and bewilderment of our friend, or neighbor, is distressing and we don’t know how to help.
In truth, it’s not that difficult. Just hang in there. You really can’t make someone feel better. You can’t solve their problems. You can only share in their grief, listen patiently, and plan a few outings to shoulder the burden of socializing. Sadness wants to be alone. Grievers need to get out into the world, with a good, reliable, supportive friend to lean on.
A couple of good comforters can work wonders with the healing process.
Brush up on your listening skills, practice patience, and make a list of pleasant, easy outings, just in case someone you care about loses someone she/he cares about. It’s not rocket science.

My best,
Judy

A Time to Relax

March 11th, 2010 by judytalks

It’s been almost a month since my last blog. Chunks of time were blocked out for announcing and marketing A Child’s Grief. Nice reviews, gratefully appreciated, contacts with book people, and up and coming events in AZ are on the calendar.
We spent a few days recently visiting family in Austin, TX and feel relaxed and refreshed. Days sight-seeing, evenings cooking together and watching movies or playing cards makes for a satisfying break from the work schedule. We saw the TX state capitol and also spent an afternoon at a large park where we had a picnic and tossed a ring around (like a frisbee). Good exercise.
Current endeavors for talking about the needs of grieving children include writing a workshop and making up a contact list. I’d love to work with both children and adults so they can learn together how to give and receive comfort for true healing. There’s a license plate you can purchase in AZ that says, “It shouldn’t hurt to be a child.” I couldn’t agree more.
Early spring is just around the corner here, warm sunshine and blue skies, after a lot of rain. The desert will start to bloom and my orange tree will blossom with the most wonderful aroma.
Please visit my website, www.judystrong.com for more information on myself or my books, and have a great day!
Judy

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