October 18, 2017
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Learning to Like Your Own Company

February 26th, 2013 by judytalks

Learning to like living alone usually involves learning to like your own company. It’s funny how we think of ourselves as independent, yet prioritize being with groups and having relationships.

Certainly we need both. But being completely comfortable with just yourself seems hard to manage. The tendency is to feel that something is missing. However, being alone and being lonely aren’t the same thing.

Take a minute to ponder about the things you really like to do just by yourself. A quiet environment, no interruptions, and the opportunity to focus on some self-indulgence. Whether it be pampering yourself, working at a creative craft, or just reading a good book, you have no one to answer to, no one to cater to, just simple time alone.

How we regard the presence of others in our lives impacts even decisions we make. Often, a final choice rests on how it will affect others. This is certainly important, but how the choice will affect you should be paramount.

Critical events cast us into the role of “aloneness”, usually with little preparation for the feeling of loss, let alone managing liking our own company. However, the survivors I’ve known have done marvelously well with time alone, strengthened by regularly scheduled meetings with those groups and individuals who share interests and affection for one another.

Ask yourself what others like about you. Make a short list of things you never get to, because they require blocks of time and concentration. Then start to like your own company.

Let me know how it goes,

Judy

Living Alone and Liking It

February 18th, 2013 by judytalks

Learning to live without an irreplaceable person is a battle with yourself. The impossible has happened and whether you actually live alone or not, you are struggling to exist without your loved one.

In the early years following the death of my husband, three of our four children still lived at home. I was mourning the loss of the one person I depended on for my life’s breath, not because I was incapable of caring for our family, but because together we had learned to function as one whole being. By the time I was completely alone, I could more than survive; I began to thrive.

Grief and loss don’t end with bereavement. Moving forward is a decision, one that includes memories of that person still present in your life. But you begin to create a life for yourself that is to your liking, one that affirms your ability to be as comfortable and efficient alone as you were as part of a team.

Over the years, I have listened to many people describe the painful jouney of their own loss, and how they re-designed their lives. These stories are a testimony, not only to strength and courage, but to the resilience and innovation of self-worth. I’ll relate some of these life journeys over the next few weeks, no names, but fleshed out characters and personalities that have weathered the storms of life. If you have a story you’d like to share, please email me.

I wish you well,
Judy

House For Sale

February 14th, 2013 by judytalks

Ten years ago, I was looking for a life style change and a more financially sustainable environment. I found it in sun-soaked Arizona, a beautiful Southwestern state with a magnificent landscape, and diverse historic areas to be explored. I settled into a retirement community where I had the opportunity to build my own house, an exciting prospect.
During the years I have lived here, I have visited many stunning landscapes, and learned about the people who settled this part of the Southwest. I’ve made friends, learned to quilt, published two books, and become a dedicated writer and facilitator on the subjects closest to my heart – grief and loss. But the grandchildren are in Minnesota. My children are scattered all over the North American continent, including Canada. It’s time for another change.
I listed my house December 1st. Moving is stressful. I spend hours each week downsizing my furnishings and personal belongings. Toss, sell, or donate is what I mutter under my breath throughout the day. I make appropriate repairs and clear the clutter whenever I leave home – just in case.
I’m looking forward to a return to beautiful, though decidedly colder Minnesota. I recently read a survey on the internet that listed Minneapolis as the healthiest city in the nation. I guess subzero temperatures really do kill germs.
Know anyone who wants to spend time in a lovely climate in a fabulous community in Arizona? I have an orange tree in my back yard with fruit that is out of this world. And several cactus that have glorious blooms in the spring. My website has my contact information. Just email me or call.
www.survive-strong.com
Spring is coming.
Judy

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