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Your Bills Don’t Die When You Do

July 25th, 2015 by judytalks

The last thing a grieving person needs is paper work, but often, that’s what is dropped into their lap. Emotional trauma takes time and energy to process, time to understand what has happened, and energy to begin to manage your pain. But before you can get your bearings, the hard, cold facts of practical matters invade your space, filling up the time, and draining the energy away.

People coping with grief shouldn’t have to think about money, legal issues, and endless responsibilities. But decisions have to be made and immediate problems addressed. In addition to notifying people and planning services, there are documents to locate and handle, finances to assess, and the everyday tasks that don’t go away because someone you love has died. Like bills, home responsibilities, job requirements. And, of course, people in your life who are also grieving and need comfort.

Some folks are just naturally organized. They have everything taken care of, promptly and efficiently. There’s a will or trust, a Do Not Resuscitate, a Living Will that spells out specifics for you, and a list of professional people to contact, with names, phone numbers and email addresses.

Unfortunately, the majority of us just aren’t that organized. Where in the world is that document, financial statement, Last Will and Testament, or even your lawyer’s name? When there is a death, the survivor(s) are in shock and deep emotional pain. Trying to locate papers is a headache. Knowing what to do with them when they are found is also troublesome. All this extra trouble and frustration can be avoided.

Get your affairs in order now. No matter that you are young and think there are years and years before anyone will need it. You can update it periodically. If you are middle-aged, you may have dependents who will be devastated. For older people, it’s time to get something on paper, and have a heart-to-heart talk with family members.

The benefits of putting your affairs in order are these: Relevant, necessary information is right there. Your personal wishes will be clear and respected. Your survivors/beneficiaries will have resources for finalizing the legal and personal matters required.

Give it some thought. They’ll love you for it.

Resources abound on the internet, in libraries, and bookstores.

Information is readily available on my website:  www.survive-strong.com.

My Amazon page has extra resources you may want to check out.  http://www.amazon.com/Judy-Strong/e/B004IGUWE6

As always, I wish you well.

Judy

Book Learnin’

July 13th, 2015 by judytalks

Book Learnin’

To learn how to survive, ask a survivor. That’s pretty much true. Someone who’s been there knows the situation inside and out, has “felt” it, shared the emotions, and understands the process. At least a survivor understands their own experience of it.

When you’re going through a difficult time, finding a book that helps you, really “speaks” to you may take a while. In fact, I’ve found that I glean nuggets of valuable information, and some comfort, from a variety of sources. Books written by individuals who are not survivors, but have extensive knowledge of a subject, may be very beneficial. They may touch on aspects long forgotten by the people who endured deep pain.

When you’re looking through the book shelves in a library or bookstore, or on the Internet, consider choosing a couple of copies for a peek at the content, writing style, and background of the author.

My first book, No Time To Grieve, was written to help solve the practical problems experienced by mourners. When I hear from someone that it has done just that, as I did recently, I am happy.

I have read quite a few books on the subject of loss and bereavement, and from time to time, I pull them out and reread portions that were especially helpful or meaningful. When you or someone you know are in need of a grief survival book, take your time as you browse through the selections.

When I was widowed – nearly 25 year ago, there were very few books available. The shelves have filled up nicely.

Please check out my Resources page on my website and my publications on Amazon. Something might be just what you’re looking for.

Website: www.survive-strong.com

Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/author/judystrong

Judy

How Do You Know When Grief Turns A Corner?

July 9th, 2015 by judytalks

For some grievers, it’s sudden. Out of the blue, you feel different, things look brighter, and you can breathe easier. For others, the process has been working its way upward for some time.

The fact of mourning is entirely personal. It can’t be measured by any yardstick. Its parts can’t be labeled or identified by anything you already understand. The person in mourning knows very little going in, and has very little idea of the way out.

One thing is known:  The sudden impact of death is crippling, and the deep impact of pain can literally make you double over. Comfort from family and friends is just the beginning in the mourning process you face. How then do you know when grief turns a corner? How is it felt or noticed by you or others?

Someone once told me, “I could see that something had changed by the look on her face.”

Your thoughts, feelings, and decisions in the beginning set the stage for your bereavement. How can I cope, what should I do, how do I stop the pain are the most immediate  concerns. But the day to day priorities change, and you can rethink and rework your personal grief process to reflect your needs.

An example may be the option of handling things alone or joining a group. Often people rule out participating in a group or a specific program, wanting to “go it alone”.

There’s a lot of information that can guide you. Make a small change, with the idea that if it doesn’t feel right, you can change back.

Information sources you may want to check out include:-

Internet:  Grief resources, articles, books, programs and chat groups.

Book stores, local groups led by funeral homes, churches, community centers, or in private homes.

As always, check out credentials and formats to see what might suit you best.

My books and articles are posted on my website and are also available at Amazon.com. Click on the “buy from amazon” button, then scroll down to the “visit Amazon”s Judy Strong page”.

I wish you well,

Judy

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