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Learning to Like Your Own Company

February 26th, 2013 by judytalks

Learning to like living alone usually involves learning to like your own company. It’s funny how we think of ourselves as independent, yet prioritize being with groups and having relationships.

Certainly we need both. But being completely comfortable with just yourself seems hard to manage. The tendency is to feel that something is missing. However, being alone and being lonely aren’t the same thing.

Take a minute to ponder about the things you really like to do just by yourself. A quiet environment, no interruptions, and the opportunity to focus on some self-indulgence. Whether it be pampering yourself, working at a creative craft, or just reading a good book, you have no one to answer to, no one to cater to, just simple time alone.

How we regard the presence of others in our lives impacts even decisions we make. Often, a final choice rests on how it will affect others. This is certainly important, but how the choice will affect you should be paramount.

Critical events cast us into the role of “aloneness”, usually with little preparation for the feeling of loss, let alone managing liking our own company. However, the survivors I’ve known have done marvelously well with time alone, strengthened by regularly scheduled meetings with those groups and individuals who share interests and affection for one another.

Ask yourself what others like about you. Make a short list of things you never get to, because they require blocks of time and concentration. Then start to like your own company.

Let me know how it goes,

Judy

Closure – Mixed Emotions

June 15th, 2012 by judytalks

What feelings do you have when something meaningful in your life comes to a close? Do you ever feel that there is a permanent end to an event or phase of your life? I contemplated this thought as we finished this season at the grieving center where I am a facilitator. Those families that close their participation will probably never completely be “finished” with their grief. And the families returning will use this break to enjoy summer vacations, but thoughts of their loved ones will still be present.

What is it that we want or expect from “closure”? Answers to questions may never come. Relief from pain is never complete. The ideal answer seems to be that we can put some things in life to rest , so we may rest. Saying goodbye allows you to start saying hello to the new ideas, possibilities, and people you encounter. It’s hard to move forward when you’re dragging a huge sack of rocks behind you.

We have a closing ceremony for those leaving, to acknowledge the work they’ve done and the healing that has taken place. Why not devise you own small ceremony for those hard to let go of things? Sound silly? If it’s crowding out room for new beginnings, give it a proper send-off and express gratitude that it’s done. Living in the moment is the attitude of choice for many. I’m trying to make it mine consistently.

Wishing you the best,
Judy

It’s a Wrap

September 1st, 2011 by judytalks

I’ve just about finished formatting my first ebook. Whew! For someone who remembers home milk delivery, it’s quite an accomplishment. I think I’ve read through the instructions at least four times, but now I’m looking forward to uploading an image for the cover and sending it off.

My book is about managing your money, a departure from my usual topics of grief and loss. However, the enormous numbers and varieties of loss we’ve experienced have prompted me to address financial security. The loss of anything dear to you causes grief and there is a sense of mourning that takes place. I’ve had material on this subject in my computer for quite awhile and it seemed like a good time to develop a clear theme and offer it as a practical guide.

It’s always satisfying to complete a project. Most of mine become labor intensive because I’m continually doing research, in case I missed something. This topic, everyday money management, had me looking at papers, articles, and books from both men and women in several fields. Business owners, financial planners, money gurus, and social commentators have all shed light on the what and why of good planning, especially for women. When I lost my husband, with three children living at home, I had to learn quickly how to earn for the present and secure for the future. Experience is, indeed, the best teacher.

Wrapping up my first digital project lets me breathe a sigh of relief – until the next project. I think I’ve mastered most of the essentials, but there’s always “try, try again” if you don’t succeed the first time. I also know when to call the grandchildren.

Wishing you well,

Judy

Keeping Your Balance

April 25th, 2011 by judytalks

What a year this is proving to be! I’ve been busy since Jan. 1, sorting out writing projects, enjoying book fairs and awards (mine and fellow authors), and riding the roller coaster that is creative writing and publishing.

Balancing the inner self when all around you is whirling is a lifelong task. You probably have your favorite ways to calm the storm and I have mine. Quiet reading, a long walk, yoga, and enjoying friends and family top my list.

I’ve added a couple of very effective ways to keep my inner self relaxed, which, in turn, keeps me more focused and efficient.

Trying to control the universe just wasn’t working so I gave it up. The higher power I call God can do the job better, so I quit. It’s harder than I thought it would be.

Expressing gratitude has become a mainstay on my daily to-do list. Feeling grateful and expressing it are not the same. Saying it, writing it, extending yourself are ways to give back for gifts received. And they help maintain balance. As I count my blessings, I can only say Thank You to everyone who has supported me, listened to me, put up with me, and given encouragement. Here’s to both feet planted firmly on the ground.

Judy

The Year of Magical Planning

March 12th, 2011 by judytalks

A Child’s Grief was published in January, 2010. Even before the manuscript was edited, I began putting together a marketing plan that would inform and encourage grievers and those who help them to become educated about death, grief and loss.

To date, I have reached many, many people. Groups, organizations, in-person discussions, and online social networking has spread the notion that death education doesn’t have to come after the fact in our society. We can learn how to help ourselves and others.

I am gratified to see more openness on this subject, more willingness to talk and listen, more groups and centers that address all the aspects of recovery and healing.

My recent 1st place book award from Reader Views 2010 Book Award contest has given me pleasure and encouragement that I am living my passion. Keeping you informed about bereavement is my heart’s desire, motivated first because I am a survivor, then, as an educator and writer. My most recent endeavor, to become a grief facilitator for grieving children and families strengthens my resolve to forge ahead.

Please avail yourself of the resources on these personal and important subjects on my website, www.survive-strong.com. When trauma strikes, the more you know before hand, the better you will emerge from the awfulness that is mourning. I wish you well.

Judy

Making YOU a priority

January 16th, 2009 by judytalks

I just looked at the financial picture for today. I check it each day to see where the bouncing ball has landed. The predictors see more of the same for at least the first half of 2009, possibly longer.
Life balance and major change seem to be constantly sparring with one another to manage our lives. What can we control and what can we do about that which we cannot control?
Life building tools come, simply, from two sources – outside ourselves and within ourselves. Most of us start with the outside resources. Who, what, and when can we find solutions and results to better live the life we choose? I recommend starting within.
That famous line, “know thyself” is pure wisdom. The older we get, the more we lose sight of that person who lives inside our heads, and hearts.
Start today to capture the essence of who you are and what really matters to you. Coping with change and maintaining balance rests on the uniqueness of who you are at the center of your being. Then find resources outside that can enhance and support that core individual.
About the finances: I’m writing about grief, loss, and moving forward, and starting an online business. I invite you to give yoursself a headstart today.
Judy
www.judystrong.com

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